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When I was on acid, I would see things. Like beams of light. And I would hear sounds… that sounded an awful lot like car horns.

— Mitch Hedberg

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More quotes by Mitch Hedberg

If carrots got you drunk, rabbits would be fucked up.

I saw this wino, he was eating grapes. I was like "Dude, you have to wait."

Mitch All Together (2003)

I used to do drugs. I still do, but I used to, too.

A fly was very close to being called a "land," cause that's what they do half the time.

To the people in the bathroom: How's it going in there?

All Mitch Hedberg quotes →

Attribution

Quote text and notes from Wikiquote: Mitch Hedberg (page history), available under CC BY-SA 4.0. Source quality and labels are our own summary of what Wikiquote records.