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An adult male human that attempts to mate frequently but spends most of its time alone.

— Richard Jeni

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More quotes by Richard Jeni

This is the guy I'll be thinking about when I put a gun to My head.

The title of this movie should be "Here's a Fish. You're Stupid."

Porno is just like any other drug; after a while you start building up a tolerance to it.

I don't get that -- people going to war over religion. I don't know, I could see going to war over justice or democracy or even revenge. But if you're going to war over religion, now you're just killing people in an argument over who has the better imaginary friend.

Comedy Central Presents (2002)

If you have a choice of selling shoes to ladies or giving birth to a flaming porcupine... look into that second, less painful career.

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Attribution

Quote text and notes from Wikiquote: Richard Jeni (page history), available under CC BY-SA 4.0. Source quality and labels are our own summary of what Wikiquote records.