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An escalator can never break, it can only become stairs. You would never see an "Escalator Temporarily Out Of Order" sign, just "Escalator Temporarily Stairs". Sorry for the convenience. We apologize for the fact that you can still get up there.

— Mitch Hedberg

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More quotes by Mitch Hedberg

If carrots got you drunk, rabbits would be fucked up.

I saw this wino, he was eating grapes. I was like "Dude, you have to wait."

Mitch All Together (2003)

I used to do drugs. I still do, but I used to, too.

A fly was very close to being called a "land," cause that's what they do half the time.

To the people in the bathroom: How's it going in there?

All Mitch Hedberg quotes →

Attribution

Quote text and notes from Wikiquote: Mitch Hedberg (page history), available under CC BY-SA 4.0. Source quality and labels are our own summary of what Wikiquote records.