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W. C. Fields Quotes

1880–1946 United States

W. C.

United States
Actors
Comedians
Non-fiction authors

Also known as: Fields, W. C., W.C. Fields

Random W. C. Fields quote

17 quotes

And it ain't a fit night out for man nor beast.

The Fatal Glass of Beer (1933)

Never give a sucker an even break.

If a thing is worth having, it's worth cheating for.

My Little Chickadee (1940)

No water—I never touch water. Fish make love in it.

Some contemptible scoundrel stole the cork from my lunch ...

You Can't Cheat an Honest Man (1939)

I never voted for anybody. I always voted against.

Here lies W. C. Fields. I would rather be living in Philadelphia.

Don't say you can't give up drinking. It's easy. I've done it a thousand times.

I'd rather have two girls at twenty-one each, than one girl at forty-two.

It was a woman who drove me to drink—and you know, I never bothered to thank her.

Back in my rummy days, I would tremble and shake for hours upon arising. It was the only exercise I got.

[To a waitress]] I didn't squawk about the steak, dear. I merely said I didn't see that old horse that used to be tethered outside here.

Never Give a Sucker an Even Break (1941)

Whilst traveling through Afghanistan, we lost our corkscrew. Had to live on food and water for several days.

Was I in here last night and did I spend a twenty-dollar bill? (the bartender replies: Yes) Oh, what a load is off my mind. I thought I LOST it! it

The Bank Dick (1940)

In reference to Jan Duggan's character in The Old Fashioned Way (1934)

Anyone who hates children and dogs can't be all bad.

Misattributed

If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bullshit.

Misattributed

Attribution

Quotes and notes from Wikiquote: W. C. Fields (page history), available under CC BY-SA 4.0.