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Scott Adams Quotes

1957–2026 United States

Scott Raymond Adams (June 8, 1957 – January 13, 2026) was an American cartoonist and satirist, best known for his Dilbert series of comic strips and books.

United States
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Also known as: Adams, Scott, Dogbert

Random Scott Adams quote

112 quotes

A meeting is essentially a group of people staring at visual aids until the electrochemical activity in their brains ceases, at which point decisions are made.

The Joy of Work (1998)

The hardest part of writing humor is finding a topic that hasn't already been used more times than the only back scratcher at the Institute of Very Itchy People.

The Joy of Work (1998)

I want to be clear that I'm not expressing a preference for ignoring facts.

Win Bigly: Persuasion in a World Where Facts Don't Matter (2017)

The world isn't fair, but as long as it's tilting in my direction I find that there's a natural cap to my righteous indignation.

I thought it was true until I saw it in the news.

People who have children have the best work-avoidance excuses in the world. If you don't have kids, get some immediately. The playgrounds are full of them.

Dilbert and the Way of the Weasel (2002)

A skilled persuader can blatantly ignore facts and policy details so long as the persuasion is skillful.

Win Bigly: Persuasion in a World Where Facts Don't Matter (2017)

If a topic makes you gag, or clench your buns, or laugh, or sigh, or retch -- or react physically in any way -- you have a winner.

The Joy of Work (1998)

Trump can invent any reality he wants for the less important topics.

Win Bigly: Persuasion in a World Where Facts Don't Matter (2017)

Did my persuasion make any difference? There is no way to tell.

Win Bigly: Persuasion in a World Where Facts Don't Matter (2017)

You should absolutely be racist whenever it's to your advantage. Every one of you should be open to making a racist personal career decision.

Facts don't matter. What matters is how you feel.

Win Bigly: Persuasion in a World Where Facts Don't Matter (2017)

If your debate partner leaves the realm of fact and reason for any of the diversions I mentioned, you just won the debate. Declare victory and bow out.

Win Bigly: Persuasion in a World Where Facts Don't Matter (2017)

The things that have the most mental impact on you will irrationally seem as though they are high in priority, even if they are not. That's persuasion.

Win Bigly: Persuasion in a World Where Facts Don't Matter (2017)

This technique -- sometimes called telecommuting -- has all the financial advantages of being employed with none of the stigma of being a filthy, perverted hobo.

The Dilbert Future (1997)

In the future, most people's jobs will involve scrambling around like frightened chipmunks trying to find the next paycheck in an endless string of unrelated short-term jobs.

The Dilbert Future (1997)

The public didn't know who said it first, but it was the most powerful question in human history. In nine words it overturned centuries of tortured logic and magical thinking.

The Religion War (2004)

If your job is to look for that stuff, any offense, well you're gonna find it because that's your job. And the more you find, the more you're worth I guess, because you found a lot of it.

They say that dogs lick their own genitalia because they can. But I think it's at least partially because they don't have the Internet.

"If God is so smart, why do you fart?"

The Religion War (2004)

Attribution

Quotes and notes from Wikiquote: Scott Adams (page history), available under CC BY-SA 4.0.