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Quotes from Jesus Is Magic — Sarah Silverman

born 1970 United States

← All quotes by Sarah Silverman

12 quotes

When that Jesus movie came out, Jews didn't want people to see it. Everybody blames the Jews for killing Christ, and then the Jews try to pass it up on the Romans. I am one of the few people that believe it was the blacks!

Jesus Is Magic (2005)

The Holocaust would never have happened if black people lived in Germany in the 1930s and 40s … well, it wouldn't have happened to Jews.

Jesus Is Magic (2005)

I love you more than bears love honey,
I love you more than Jews love money,
I love you more than Asians are good at math.
I love you even if it's not hip,
I love you more than black guys don't tip,
I love you like Puerto Ricans need baths.

Jesus Is Magic (2005)

I don't care. Good! I hope the Jews did kill Christ. I'd do it again! I'd fucking do it again in a second.

Jesus Is Magic (2005)

I was raped by a doctor … which is so bittersweet for a Jewish girl.

Jesus Is Magic (2005)

When God gives you AIDS – and God does give you AIDS – make lemon-AIDS!

Jesus Is Magic (2005)

I want to get an abortion. But my boyfriend and I are having trouble conceiving.

Jesus Is Magic (2005)

I don't care if you think I'm racist. I just want you to think I'm thin.

Jesus Is Magic (2005)

I've sued my manager for sexual harassment. And it's real hard, and a big strain on me. Because he hasn't done anything.

Jesus Is Magic (2005)

The writers of Sanford and Son were so brave in bringing their program to television. I mean, working with all those black people!

Jesus Is Magic (2005)

A couple nights ago, I was licking jelly off my boyfriend's penis. And I thought, "Oh my God – I'm turning into my mother!"

Jesus Is Magic (2005)

I wear this Saint Christopher medal sometimes, because – I'm Jewish, but my boyfriend is Catholic. It was cute, the way he gave it to me. He said if it doesn't burn through my skin, it will protect me. Who cares? Different religions.

Jesus Is Magic (2005)

Attribution

Quotes and notes from Wikiquote: Sarah Silverman (page history), available under CC BY-SA 4.0.