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Jay London Quotes
born 1966 United States
Jay London (born September 12, 1966, in The Bronx) is an American stand-up comic whose one-liner jokes made him a favorite on NBC's second and third seasons of Last Comic Standing. He had a thing for saying "Thank you" after some of his one-liners, depending on crowd reaction.
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44 quotes
My girlfriend bought me a down jacket, she said it fit my personality.
My father would take me to the playground, and put me on mood swings.
I went on a date with a weather girl, we talked up a storm.
I was lonely driving here tonight so I hugged the road.
I went out with a promiscuous impressionist. She did everybody.
I'm addicted to prescription glasses.
I go around slashing tire prices.
People ask me what I think about euthanasia. I said I'm more concerned about the adults.
I work at Bed Bath and Beyond. I work in the Beyond section. When someone asks me where the Bath section is, I say "It's beyond me."
I went to a urologist. He told me I could go at any time.
(In a tone suggesting a reference to his upbringing) I was brought up on charges.
I get all my hair products at PetCo. (Jay's hair is long, curly, and quite messy)
I saw a sign that said "Left Lane Closed." So I went someplace else.
I wanted to take up music, so my father bought me a blunt instrument. He told me to knock myself out.
I went to a record store and asked for 50 Cent. They kicked me out for pan-handling.
I slept with this girl, and in the morning I asked her if she wanted breakfast in bed. She said one pig in the blanket was enough.
I recorded my hair this morning. Tonight I'm watching the highlights.
My boss told me to get my butt in gear. I told him I was shiftless.
Let me move over here. (Jay would then move barely a few inches to the left or right. He generally repeats this a few times per show)
Flowers for $25.00, reluctant. Wining and dining for $150.00, catastrophic. Trying to get on first base, unattainable. For everything else there's Masturbate.
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