Complaining that a comic is drunk is like going to a titty bar and complaining because your lapdancer is a communist. Deadbeat Hero (2004)
There's only two types of people who are against drugs: the people who have never done drugs and the people who really sucked at doing drugs. Deadbeat Hero (2004)
You were born free, you got fucked out of half of it, and you wave a flag celebrating it. Deadbeat Hero (2004)
The problem with this country is that old folks vote. We got shit to do, old folks don't, the only thing they have to do is judge you and vote. Deadbeat Hero (2004)
Mutations are exciting. They try to fix 'em when they come out. Did you see the two-headed baby they killed last month when they tried to cut it apart? That was hilarious! Deadbeat Hero (2004)
With all the horrible, horrible shit that your priest is pumping into your kid's head, his dick should be the least of your worries, honestly. That's just a little mouthwash and a few years of therapy'll get rid of that. That Jesus shit will torture you for a lifetime. Deadbeat Hero (2004)