9 quotes
People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.
Dave Barry Turns 50 (1998)
There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."
Dave Barry Turns 50 (1998)
There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is: age 11.
Dave Barry Turns 50 (1998)
If someone is nice to you but rude to the waiter, they are not a nice person.
Dave Barry Turns 50 (1998)
Dad was busy earning money so that the family could purchase the new Buick, which boasted 44 pounds of chromed trim. The Russians may have had working space satellites, but they had nothing like that.
Dave Barry Turns 50 (1998)
Americans loved Disneyland, because it gave them something good, something decent, something that epitomized a quality that vacationing American families value above all else: clean toilets.
Dave Barry Turns 50 (1998)
Do you remember that little vent that cars used to have on the front windows, so on coolish days you could let a little fresh air in without causing a big draft? WHO THE HELL TOOK THAT LITTLE VENT AWAY?
Dave Barry Turns 50 (1998)
The waterbed trend was similar to the fulfillment movement, in the sense that you paid for something that was supposed to bring you happiness, but you wound up with something less fulfilling, in this case motion sickness and water damage.
Dave Barry Turns 50 (1998)
You may have gone to college and learned how to solve all of society's problems, but when you get out in the real world, nobody ever asks you to how to solve all of society's problems. In the real world, what people ask you are questions like: "Can you make coffee?" and "Where's the rent money?"
Dave Barry Turns 50 (1998)