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If I paid $3 or $4 for a cigar, first I'd sleep with it.

— George Burns

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More quotes by George Burns

Too bad that all the people who know how to run the country are busy driving taxicabs and cutting hair.

Too bad all the people who know how to run the country are busy driving taxi cabs and cutting hair.

Happiness is having a loving, close knit family in another city.

When I was young I was called a rugged individualist. When I was in my fifties I was considered eccentric. Here I am doing and saying the same things I did then and I'm labeled senile.

Just You and Me Kid (1979)

At my age, all my friends, doctors, and attorneys are dead. The good thing about this is that there's no one left who can refute my stories.

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Attribution

Quote text and notes from Wikiquote: George Burns (page history), available under CC BY-SA 4.0. Source quality and labels are our own summary of what Wikiquote records.