I'll be eighty this month. Age, if nothing else, entitles me to set the record straight before I dissolve. I've given my memoirs far more thought than any of my marriages. You can't divorce a book.

At the contract signing for her 1980 memoir, Swanson on Swanson; as quoted in "Notes on People" by Clyde Haberman, Alvin Krebs, The New York Times (March 10, 1979), p. 12; and Bill Adler, Funny Ladies: The Best Humor from America's Funniest Women (2001) p. 52