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I once had to dispense with a literary agent because she drank too much. She was very surprised but I pointed out to her, quite logically I thought, that one of us had to be sober and it certainly wasn't going to be me.

— Jeffrey Bernard

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More quotes by Jeffrey Bernard

When I was a boy, I naively thought that this thing called happiness would be something I would wake up to find every day once I could smoke, drink and fornicate.

Since 1960 or thereabouts, when the Beatles and feminism came to power and destroyed the civilisation I was rather fond of...

I could stuff a pillow with the amount of confetti I have had thrown at me. And could I sleep easily on that? No.

As for asking me have I ever felt remorse after drinking, I have been living with remorse for years now. She wakes me up every morning. She puts me to bed at night and yea though I run through the valley of Oxford St to the Coach & Horses she is by my side.

In 1950 when I was boxing I wanted to put on 3lb so my trainer made me put a teaspoon of powdered gelatine into the cup every time I took tea. It was fairly revolting & might possibly explain the final hammering I took.

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Quote text and notes from Wikiquote: Jeffrey Bernard (page history), available under CC BY-SA 4.0. Source quality and labels are our own summary of what Wikiquote records.