40 quotes
The Second Amendment! It says you have the right to bear arms, or the right to arm bears, whatever the hell you want to do!
A Night at the Met (1986)
Dubya doesn't speak while Cheney's drinking water. Check that shit out.
Robin Williams: Live on Broadway (2002)
Not just my world, but the entire world is forever a little darker, less colorful and less full of laughter in his absence. We’ll just have to work twice as hard to fill it back up again.
Nice to be in Washington, where the buck stops here! Way to go. And then it's handed out to AIG and many other people.
Weapons of Self Destruction (2010)
In the midst of all this, there was Bernie Madoff. An embezzler named "made off." Hmm. Was the name not a clue? Did he have to be with the accounting firm of Dewey, Fuckyou, and Howe?
Weapons of Self Destruction (2010)
Is it rude to Twitter during sex? To go "omg, omg, wtf, zzz"? Is that rude?
Weapons of Self Destruction (2010)
Now, Michael Jackson is claiming racism. I'm going, "Honey, you gotta pick a race first." Baby, what are you claiming, mistreatment of elves? What are you saying?
Robin Williams: Live on Broadway (2002)
The sound crapped out for a bit, that's why I'm using SupposiSound! No one wants their tapes back, I wonder why.
A Night at the Met (1986)
I went to rehab [for alcoholism] in wine country, just to keep my options open.
Weapons of Self Destruction (2010)
I'd like to welcome you the AOPA. There's also aa-AOPA. If this is your first time flying a plane on alcohol, I'd like to welcome ya!
Inside the Actors Studio (2001)
And I know many of you are looking for Sarah Palin's new book, it is a bitch to find. Good luck. I found it somewhere between fiction and nonfiction, in the fantasy aisle.
Weapons of Self Destruction (2010)
And what was in those packages [of food aid to Afghanistan ]? Pop-Tarts, peanut butter...and all you need's a Honey Baked Ham and you got a redneck Christmas.
Catherine the Great, Golda Meir, Indira Gandhi: These may not be women you'd want to fuck, but you definitely don't want to fuck with them. And if you don't think a woman can handle a war, ask the Argentinians.
Weapons of Self Destruction (2010)
Cheney shot a man in the face hunting quail. I don't know about East coast quail, but California quail are this fucking big. (indicates a position about a foot above the stage floor)
Weapons of Self Destruction (2010)
Thank you. How-DY! Whoops, wrong opera house. How do you like the play, Mr. Lincoln? Duck!
A Night at the Met (1986)
There is one man that we can run for office that even the French would say "Fuck off!" That man...is Jack Nicholson. Yes! You will never have a sex scandal with Jack because he has fucked everyone!
Weapons of Self Destruction (2010)
We still have great comedy out there. There's always ramblin' Joe Biden. What the fuck? Joe says shit that even people with Tourette's go "no..."
Weapons of Self Destruction (2010)
Twitter broke the other day, and a lot of people were going, "My Thumbs! My thumbs are moving for no reason! What's that?" "A book". "Who are you?" "Dad. I miss you. Let's talk."
Weapons of Self Destruction (2010)
You know the difference between a tornado and divorce in the South? Nothing! Somebody's losing a trailer.
Weapons of Self Destruction (2010)
I'd like to start the show by showing you something I'm very proud of. You'll have to step back though.
Reality...What a Concept (1979)