257 quotes
I'll risk forty dollars that he can outjump any frog in Calaveras county.
It is best to read the weather forecast before we pray for rain.
A circle is a round straight line with a hole in the middle.
Principles have no real force except when one is well-fed.
Extracts From Adam's Diary (1906)
I am content to be a bric-a-bracker and a Ceramiker.
Education consists mainly of what we have unlearned.
Mark Twain's Notebook (1898)
The best of us would rather be popular than right.
No. 44, the Mysterious Stranger (1902)
Be respectful to your superiors, if you have any.
Give a nigger an inch and he’ll take an ell.
Adventures of Huckleberry Finn (1884)
Some men worship rank, some worship heroes, some worship power, some worship God, & over these ideals they dispute & cannot unite — but they all worship money.
Mark Twain's Notebook (1935)
A round man cannot be expected to fit in a square hole right away. He must have time to modify his shape.
More Tramps Abroad (1897)
Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
More Maxims of Mark (1927)
Not a single right is indestructible: a new might can at any time abolish it, hence, man possesses not a single permanent right.
God is Might (and He is shifty, malicious, and uncertain).
Mark Twain's Notebook (1935)
I have been complimented many times and they always embarrass me; I always feel that they have not said enough.
You tell me whar a man gits his corn pone, en I'll tell you what his 'pinions is.
Europe and Elsewhere. Corn Pone Opinions (1925)
A man is never more truthful than when he acknowledges himself a liar.
Man was made at the end of the week's work, when God was tired.
Mark Twain's Notebook (1935)
Herodotus says, "Very few things happen at the right time, and the rest do not happen at all. The conscientious historian will correct these defects."
A Horse's Tale (1907)
Truth is the most valuable thing we have. Let us economize it.
Always acknowledge a fault frankly. This will throw those in authority off their guard and give you opportunity to commit more.
More Maxims of Mark (1927)