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Quotes from Josh Billings: His Works, Complete — Josh Billings

1818–1885 United States

← All quotes by Josh Billings

67 quotes

I hope i shall never hav so much reputashun that i shan't feel obliged to be alwus civil.

Josh Billings: His Works, Complete (1873)

7 per cent haz no rest, nor no religion, it works nights, and Sundays, and even wet days.

Josh Billings: His Works, Complete (1873)

Rather than not hav faith in enny thing, i am willing tew be beat 9 times out ov 10.

Josh Billings: His Works, Complete (1873)

I had rather be a pot-bellied seed cowcumber, flung carelessly on a wood pile to ripen, than tew be an old bachelor.

Josh Billings: His Works, Complete (1873)

Them folks who are sudden, aint apt tew be solid; lively streams are alwus shallow.

Josh Billings: His Works, Complete (1873)

I kno plenty ov folks who are so kondem kontrary, that if they should fall into the river, they would insist uopon floating up stream.

Josh Billings: His Works, Complete (1873)

Genuine grief iz like penitence, not klamorous but subdued; sorrow from the hous tops and penitence in a market place shows more ambishun than piety.

Josh Billings: His Works, Complete (1873)

I am poor, and I am glad that i am, for i find that wealth makes more people mean than it duz generous.

Josh Billings: His Works, Complete (1873)

I dont never hav enny trouble in regulating mi own kondukt, but tew keep other pholks straight iz what bothers me.

Josh Billings: His Works, Complete (1873)

We are happy in this world just in proporshun as we make others happy--i stand reddy tew bet 50 dollars on this saying.

Josh Billings: His Works, Complete (1873)

I never hav seen a bigot yet but what had a small and apparently braneless hed--bit i hain't seen all the bigots, yu know.

Josh Billings: His Works, Complete (1873)

I beleave in the universal salvashun ov men, but I want tew pick the men.

Josh Billings: His Works, Complete (1873)

When i cum akrost people who are perfeklty krazy for ventilashun, i say to miself, "that kritter was brought up in a windmill."

Josh Billings: His Works, Complete (1873)

Misplaced charity iz a good blunder tew make. If yu want tew git a good general idea ov a man's karakter find out from him what hiz opinion ov his nabor iz.

Josh Billings: His Works, Complete (1873)

The grate desire ov mi life iz tew amuze sumboddy. I had rather be able to set the multiplikashun table tew sum lively tune than tew hav bin the author ov it.

Josh Billings: His Works, Complete (1873)

If I had 4 fust rate dogs i would name the best one "Doubtful" and the other 3 "Useless".

Josh Billings: His Works, Complete (1873)

When a doktor looks me square in the face and kant see no money in me, then i am happy.

Josh Billings: His Works, Complete (1873)

If thare iz enny human being that i thoroughly loath, it iz the one who haz nothing tew boast ov but hiz money--a mere pimp tew hiz welth.

Josh Billings: His Works, Complete (1873)

Giv every one you meet, my boy, the time ov day and halff the road, and if that dont make him civil dont waste enny more fragrance on the cuss.

Josh Billings: His Works, Complete (1873)

The hardest thing that enny man kan do iz tew fall down on the ice when it iz wet, and get up and praze the Lord.

Josh Billings: His Works, Complete (1873)

Attribution

Quotes and notes from Wikiquote: Josh Billings (page history), available under CC BY-SA 4.0.