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Jay Leno Quotes
born 1950 United States
James Douglas Muir Leno (born April 28, 1950) is an American comedian, actor, writer, producer, and television host. After doing stand-up comedy for years, he became the host of NBC's The Tonight Show with Jay Leno from 1992 to 2009.
United States Actors Producers Screenwriters Stand-up comedians Also known as: Leno, Jay
Random Jay Leno quote
20 quotes
Racecar driving is a lot like sex; all men think they're good at it.
In America, we like everyone to know about the good work we're doing anonymously.
The economy is so bad, I saw Matthew McConaughey talking to himself in a Kia! THAT'S how bad it is!
106 [degrees] in the valley… I was sweating like Dan Rather checking for forged documents.
"Fred, what happened to your ass?" "Oh, the fat guy at the office sneezed on me."
Stephen Hawking is getting a divorce. That's scary. If the smartest guy in the world can't figure out women, we're screwed.
No, they said they do not believe in evolution, then they said the biggest threat to America: religious radicals living in the Dark Ages.
Hillary says she has been tested. Well, I hope so. You never know what Bill might bring home.
The economy is so bad, two Milwaukee men were arrested this week for trying to join ISIS. Did you hear their excuse, they said, "Hey! Nobody else is hiring!" THAT'S how bad it is!
And some sad news… the first lesbian couple to legally get married in the state of Massachusetts has split up. They cited irreconcilable similarities.
French troops arrived in Afghanistan last week, and not a minute too soon. The French are acting as advisers to the Taliban, to teach them how to surrender properly.
I didn't realize it was October until I saw the Chicago Cubs choking.
Folks, tomorrow America will get to hear those four words we've been waiting for: "Former president George Bush".
"This is now the twelfth day of rioting in France. They have been rioting for almost two weeks. And France has still not surrendered. That's like a record.
A new poll shows that Americans now believe that Bill Clinton is more honest than President Bush. […] At least when Clinton screwed the nation, he did it one person at a time.
I was in the ROTC. Of course, ROTC stood for "Running off to Canada".
Now, today is the day we honor, of course, the Presidents, ranging from George Washington, who couldn't tell a lie, to George Bush, who couldn't tell the truth, to Bill Clinton, who couldn't tell the difference.
So China's president [Hu Jintao] meets, uh— meets America's president. It's like President "Who?" meeting President "Huh?".
And as you know, this whole Hillary e-mail scandal brought Anthony Wiener back into the news. Now here's a question nobody has asked. Anthony Wiener is Jewish, right? Right? So does this scandal make him a Hebrew National Wiener?
Congratulations to the Italian people for winning the World Cup. … They won after France’s best player got ejected for head butting. That’s the closest anyone in a French uniform has come to combat in 60 years
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