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Quotes from A Mencken Chrestomathy — H. L. Mencken

1880–1956 United States

← All quotes by H. L. Mencken

42 quotes

An idealist is one who, on noticing that roses smell better than a cabbage, concludes that it will also make better soup.

A Mencken Chrestomathy (1949)

Democracy is the art and science of running the circus from the monkey cage.

A Mencken Chrestomathy (1949)

A celebrity is one who is known to many persons he is glad he doesn't know.

A Mencken Chrestomathy (1949)

Jealousy is the theory that some other fellow has just as little taste.

A Mencken Chrestomathy (1949)

Conscience is the inner voice that warns us somebody may be looking.

A Mencken Chrestomathy (1949)

Judge — A law student who marks his own examination-papers.

A Mencken Chrestomathy (1949)

Remorse — Regret that one waited so long to do it.

A Mencken Chrestomathy (1949)

If x is the population of the United States and y is the degree of imbecility of the average American, then democracy is the theory that x × y is less than y.

A Mencken Chrestomathy (1949)

Before a man speaks it is always safe to assume that he is a fool. After he speaks, it is seldom necessary to assume it.

A Mencken Chrestomathy (1949)

Every decent man is ashamed of the government he lives under.

A Mencken Chrestomathy (1949)

Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.

A Mencken Chrestomathy (1949)

Truth — Something somehow discreditable to someone.

A Mencken Chrestomathy (1949)

In every unbeliever's heart there is an uneasy feeling that, after all, he may awake after death and find himself immortal. This is his punishment for his unbelief. This is the agnostic's Hell.

A Mencken Chrestomathy (1949)

A man who has throttled a bad impulse has at least some consolation in his agonies, but a man who has throttled a good one is in a bad way indeed.

A Mencken Chrestomathy (1949)

The lunatic fringe wags the underdog.

A Mencken Chrestomathy (1949)

Immorality is the morality of those who are having a better time. You will never convince the average farmer's mare that the late Maud S. was not dreadfully immoral.

A Mencken Chrestomathy (1949)

The most costly of all follies is to believe passionately in the palpably not true. It is the chief occupation of mankind.

A Mencken Chrestomathy (1949)

The theory seems to be that so long as a man is a failure he is one of God's chillun, but that as soon as he has any luck he owes it to the Devil.

A Mencken Chrestomathy (1949)

Q: If you find so much that is unworthy of reverence in the United States, then why do you live here?
A: Why do men go to zoos?

A Mencken Chrestomathy (1949)

The New Deal began, like the Salvation Army, by promising to save humanity. It ended, again like the Salvation Army, by running flop-houses and disturbing the peace.

A Mencken Chrestomathy (1949)

Attribution

Quotes and notes from Wikiquote: H. L. Mencken (page history), available under CC BY-SA 4.0.