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Quotes from The Cynic's Word Book — Ambrose Bierce

1842–1910 United States

← All quotes by Ambrose Bierce

16 quotes

Intolerance is natural and logical, for in every dissenting opinion lies an assumption of superior wisdom.

The Cynic's Word Book (1906)

KING, n. A male person commonly known in America as a "crowned head," although he never wears a crown and has usually no head to speak of.

The Cynic's Word Book (1906)

FUTURE, n. That period of time in which our affairs prosper, our friends are true and our happiness is assured.

The Cynic's Word Book (1906)

LANGUAGE, n. The music with which we charm the serpents guarding another's treasure.

The Cynic's Word Book (1906)

FRIENDSHIP, n. A ship big enough to carry two in fair weather, but none in foul.

The Cynic's Word Book (1906)

HISTORY, n. An account mostly false, of events mostly unimportant, which are brought about by rulers, mostly knaves, and soldiers, mostly fools.

The Cynic's Word Book (1906)

KINDNESS, n. A brief preface to ten volumes of exaction.

The Cynic's Word Book (1906)

LAWYER, n. One skilled in circumvention of the law.

The Cynic's Word Book (1906)

GOOD, adj. Sensible, madam, to the worth of this present writer. Alive, sir, to the advantages of letting him alone.

The Cynic's Word Book (1906)

Before undergoing a surgical operation arrange your temporal affairs. You may live.

The Cynic's Word Book (1906)

LABOR, n. One of the processes by which A acquires property for B.

The Cynic's Word Book (1906)

FUNERAL, n. A pageant whereby we attest our respect for the dead by enriching the undertaker, and strengthen our grief by an expenditure that deepens our groans and doubles our tears.

The Cynic's Word Book (1906)

A kiss is but a modified bite, and a fond mother, when she rapturously avers that her babe is 'almost good enough to eat,' merely shows that she is herself only a trifle too good to eat it.

The Cynic's Word Book (1906)

BEFRIEND, v.t. To make an ingrate.

The Cynic's Word Book (1906)

Egoist: a person of low taste, more interested in himself than me.

The Cynic's Word Book (1906)

FREEDOM, n. Exemption from the stress of authority in a beggarly half dozen of restraint's infinite multitude of methods. A political condition that every nation supposes itself to enjoy in virtual monopoly. Liberty. The distinction between freedom and liberty is not accurately known; naturalists have never been able to find a living specimen of either.

The Cynic's Word Book (1906)

Attribution

Quotes and notes from Wikiquote: Ambrose Bierce (page history), available under CC BY-SA 4.0.