104 quotes
Hand, n. A singular instrument worn at the end of a human arm and commonly thrust into somebody's pocket.
The Cynic's Dictionary (1906)
BEARD, n. The hair that is commonly cut off by those who justly execrate the absurd Chinese custom of shaving the head.
The Cynic's Dictionary (1906)
LITIGATION, n. A machine which you go into as a pig and come out of as a sausage.
The Cynic's Dictionary (1906)
Admiration, our polite recognition of another’s resemblance to ourselves.
The Cynic's Dictionary (1906)
AFFLICTION, n. An acclimatizing process preparing the soul for another and bitter world.
The Cynic's Dictionary (1906)
CONSOLATION, n. The knowledge that a better man is more unfortunate than yourself.
The Cynic's Dictionary (1906)
FOLLY, n. That "gift and faculty divine" whose creative and controlling energy inspires Man's mind, guides his actions and adorns his life.
The Cynic's Dictionary (1906)
CHILDHOOD, n. The period of human life intermediate between the idiocy of infancy and the folly of youth -- two removes from the sin of manhood and three from the remorse of age.
The Cynic's Dictionary (1906)
DIARY, n. A daily record of that part of one's life, which he can relate to himself without blushing.
The Cynic's Dictionary (1906)
CONTEMPT, n. The feeling of a prudent man for an enemy who is too formidable safely to be opposed.
The Cynic's Dictionary (1906)
EPITAPH, n. An inscription on a tomb, showing that virtues acquired by death have a retroactive effect.
The Cynic's Dictionary (1906)
GEOGRAPHER, n. A chap who can tell you offhand the difference between the outside of the world and the inside.
The Cynic's Dictionary (1906)
CRITIC, n. A person who boasts himself hard to please because nobody tries to please him.
The Cynic's Dictionary (1906)
EULOGY, n. Praise of a person who has either the advantages of wealth and power, or the consideration to be dead.
The Cynic's Dictionary (1906)
GUILLOTINE, n. A machine which makes a Frenchman shrug his shoulders with good reason.
The Cynic's Dictionary (1906)
LITIGANT, n. A person about to give up his skin for the hope of retaining his bones.
The Cynic's Dictionary (1906)
CLERGYMAN, n. A man who undertakes the management of our spiritual affairs as a method of bettering his temporal ones.
The Cynic's Dictionary (1906)
HOSPITALITY, n. The virtue which induces us to feed and lodge certain persons who are not in need of food and lodging.
The Cynic's Dictionary (1906)
COMFORT, n. A state of mind produced by contemplation of a neighbor's uneasiness.
The Cynic's Dictionary (1906)
EPIGRAM, n. A short, sharp saying in prose or verse, frequently characterize by acidity or acerbity and sometimes by wisdom.
The Cynic's Dictionary (1906)