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Quotes from The Devil's Dictionary — Ambrose Bierce

1842–1910 United States

← All quotes by Ambrose Bierce

171 quotes

Optimist, n. A proponent of the doctrine that black is white.

The Devil's Dictionary (1911)

Apologize, v. To lay the foundation for a future offense.

The Devil's Dictionary (1911)

Positive, adj. Mistaken at the top of one's voice.

The Devil's Dictionary (1911)

Un-American, adj. Wicked, intolerable, heathenish.

The Devil's Dictionary (1911)

Birth, n. The first and direst of all disasters.

The Devil's Dictionary (1911)

Saint, n. A dead sinner, revised and edited.

The Devil's Dictionary (1911)

Congratulation, n. The civility of envy.

The Devil's Dictionary (1911)

REASON, n. Propensitate of prejudice.

The Devil's Dictionary (1911)

RACK, n. An argumentative implement formerly much used in persuading devotees of a false faith to embrace the living truth. As a call to the unconverted the rack never had any particular efficacy, and is now held in light popular esteem.

The Devil's Dictionary (1911)

WHEAT, n. A cereal from which a tolerably good whisky can with some difficulty be made, and which is used also for bread. The French are said to eat more bread per capita of population than any other people, which is natural, for only they know how to make the stuff palatable.

The Devil's Dictionary (1911)

Revelation, n. A famous book in which St. John the Divine concealed all that he knew. The revealing is done by the commentators, who know nothing.

The Devil's Dictionary (1911)

Laughter, n. An interior convulsion, producing a distortion of the features and accompanied by inarticulate noises. It is infectious and, though intermittent, incurable.

The Devil's Dictionary (1911)

Neighbor, n. One whom we are commanded to love as ourselves, and who does all he knows how to make us disobedient.

The Devil's Dictionary (1911)

Infancy, n. The period of our lives when, according to Wordsworth, 'Heaven lies about us.' The world begins lying about us pretty soon afterward.

The Devil's Dictionary (1911)

HOMOEOPATHY, n. A school of medicine midway between Allopathy and Christian Science. To the last both the others are distinctly inferior, for Christian Science will cure imaginary diseases, and they can not.

The Devil's Dictionary (1911)

Abstainer, n. A weak person who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure. A total abstainer is one who abstains from everything but abstention, and especially from inactivity in the affairs of others.

The Devil's Dictionary (1911)

Resign, v. To renounce an honor for an advantage. To renounce an advantage for a greater advantage.

The Devil's Dictionary (1911)

Vote, v. The instrument and symbol of a freeman's power to make a fool of himself and a wreck of his country.

The Devil's Dictionary (1911)

Barometer, n. An ingenious instrument which indicates what kind of weather we are having.

The Devil's Dictionary (1911)

Opiate, n. An unlocked door in the prison of Identity. It leads into the jail yard.

The Devil's Dictionary (1911)

Attribution

Quotes and notes from Wikiquote: Ambrose Bierce (page history), available under CC BY-SA 4.0.