171 quotes
Bore, n. A person who talks when you wish him to listen.
The Devil's Dictionary (1911)
Fashion, n. A despot whom the wise ridicule and obey.
The Devil's Dictionary (1911)
Absent, adj. Peculiarly exposed to the tooth of detraction; vilifed; hopelessly in the wrong; superseded in the consideration and affection of another.
The Devil's Dictionary (1911)
Boundary, n. In political geography, an imaginary line between two nations, separating the imaginary rights of one from the imaginary rights of the other.
The Devil's Dictionary (1911)
Politeness, n. The most acceptable hypocrisy.
The Devil's Dictionary (1911)
Clairvoyant, n.: A person, commonly a woman, who has the power of seeing that which is invisible to her patron, namely, that he is a blockhead.
The Devil's Dictionary (1911)
Generous, adj. Originally this word meant noble by birth and was rightly applied to a great multitude of persons. It now means noble by nature and is taking a bit of a rest.
The Devil's Dictionary (1911)
RESPONSIBILITY, n. A detachable burden easily shifted to the shoulders of God, Fate, Fortune, Luck or one's neighbor. In the days of astrology it was customary to unload it upon a star.
The Devil's Dictionary (1911)
Happiness, n. An agreeable sensation arising from contemplating the misery of another.
The Devil's Dictionary (1911)
Sabbath, n. A weekly festival having its origin in the fact that God made the world in six days and was arrested on the seventh.
The Devil's Dictionary (1911)
Liberty, n. The distinction between freedom and liberty is not accurately known; naturalists have never been able to find a living specimen of either.
The Devil's Dictionary (1911)
Quotation, n. The act of repeating erroneously the words of another. The words erroneously repeated.
The Devil's Dictionary (1911)
Zeal, n. A certain nervous disorder afflicting the young and inexperienced. A passion that goeth before a sprawl.
The Devil's Dictionary (1911)
Politics, n. A strife of interests masquerading as a contest of principles. The conduct of public affairs for private advantage.
The Devil's Dictionary (1911)
REALITY, n. The dream of a mad philosopher. That which would remain in the cupel if one should assay a phantom. The nucleus of a vacuum.
The Devil's Dictionary (1911)
Learning, n. The kind of ignorance distinguishing the studious.
The Devil's Dictionary (1911)
A toy which people cry for,
And on their knees apply for,
Dispute, contend and lie for,
And if allowed
Would be right proud
Eternally to die for.
The Devil's Dictionary (1911)
Rational, adj. Devoid of all delusions save those of observation, experience and reflection.
The Devil's Dictionary (1911)
Confidant, Confidante, n. One entrusted by A with the secrets of B, confided by him to C.
The Devil's Dictionary (1911)
Backbite, v.t. To speak of a man as you find him when he can't find you.
The Devil's Dictionary (1911)